i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
