you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
