a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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