There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
