so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
