Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
