Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
