took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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