battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Come share oat with me in your robe
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
