i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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