We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
