Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
