billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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