I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I could make wine with my vomit
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Randomize
