I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
