paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
