I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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