So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
