goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
