I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
