remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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