My first STD was from a foam party
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
