I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
