I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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