Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
