i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
