I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
