I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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