All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
