Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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