Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
