friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
