I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
