If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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