You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
