I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
