I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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