I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
