I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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