this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
