i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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