I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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