Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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