we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
