How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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