hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
