At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
