is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
