I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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