after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
