do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
