I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
