It was confusing and full of hummus
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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